birthday girl

Today is Quincy's fifth birthday. The big 5. What a glorious day! I know I write this in every birthday post, but I sit here and imagine how different this day would be if she were here. I daydream of what her party would be like and what it would be like to wake her up on her 5th birthday. She would be such a big girl and as we get farther from her passing its getting harder for me to imagine what she might look and act like. But I still think and dream about her always. It's almost as if she is here because I think about her so often.

 I have the same birthday wish this year as I did last, making this a yearly tradition I took this next little bit from my blog post last year on Q's birthday.

There are many things I have learned over the past two years as I have struggled with grief and growth. I feel that I have changed tremendously as an individual in ways that others may not necessarily see, but in ways that I think, ways that I am. Of all the life lessons I am learning one of the most valuable is that of truly living. Living the life we are given. Living each day to the fullest. Taking time to truly live.

We are all so caught up in everything around us. We are busy. Life is fast paced. We are often running, chasing, working, texting, chatting, shopping. We are in a world where we are constantly searching for more, we are rarely satisfied. We are often wanting something bigger, something better, something more. More clothes, more money, bigger house, more toys, better job, more friends, better everything. We want to be skinnier, prettier, happier, smarter, healthier. It’s not all bad things we are chasing, there’s a lot of good that keeps us busy but are we truly living or are we skimming by, hanging on to whatever takes us to the next thing?

Let’s take a time out.

On this day, the 19th day of August, the birthday of my angel Quincy, I ask everyone to slow down and take a time out. Set down your cell phone, turn off the TV, leave work an hour early, miss a meeting or an appointment and take some time with your little ones. Sit on the floor and do a puzzle, put together that train track or dress that baby doll in fifteen different outfits. Don’t rush, just do it and enjoy it. Tickle toes, paint nails and color pictures, laugh at jokes and read some books, look at photos. Take time to focus on what’s truly important, the little things that are right in front of us.

Life moves so quickly and we don’t know what each day will bring. I never in a million years thought I would live my life without all my children. If there is one thing anyone can learn from me, from my trial, I hope that it is to take time. Take time for the things that truly matter. Be gracious and grateful for what you have. Be content and humble. Every day, take time out. Whether its 10 min or 2 hours, just take some time to slow down, sit down and do something, anything to make the most of that day. There is absolutely nothing more important. Nothing.

Quincy, so much has changed since you left. Life is good, but there is always a sting, always a tinge of sadness that still lingers. I believe there always will be because our hearts miss you so very much. We are doing our best to live our lives in a way we would if you were still here, as if we weren't carrying sadness. We know we will see you again and that is what keeps us moving forward each day with joy.

We wish you were here Quincy. More than anything, we wish you were still here. We love you darling. Hope they celebrate you a little more up there in heaven today. Happy Birthday.