Wednesday, September 2, 2015

to write

I haven't been writing on my blog for quite a while. And to be honest I have missed it. There is so much to say and so much I want to write.

I have had a bit of a writers cramp the last, well I guess it's been about a year now. I had someone tell me that I should not write the things I write on my blog, that it is sad and depressing and that it is not good for me. I have thought a lot about this and to be honest, have had a really hard time expressing myself since. I have started multiple posts and deleted them because I could not get the words out the way I wanted them, worrying I would say the wrong thing. Some of my posts are sad. And deep. But....it's real. It's my life. It's me.

Grief is a heavy heavy burden to carry throughout life. Yes, time has helped me learn how to carry that grief and to hopefully do so gracefully, but it is always there and I always carry it. And I will as long as I am alive, because I love that little girl more than anything.

So here I am, back to the blog. I love to write. I need to write. I know there are some that do not understand why it helps so much to write down such personal and intimate feelings and those that don't like to read it. Well, then don't. For those that do understand, this blog is for you. It's a record of grief and joy. Of sadness and hope. Of life and learning. A journal of my journey here on this earth.

This is me.

11 comments:

BaconBear 4 said...

You will be welcomed by so many and help so many. Thank you and welcome back!

snstaheli said...

I have missed you writing!! I think that letting others in, by reading what you write, can help others that are grieving. Because everyone grieves differently. Some may learn and others may not be able to read it. But I feel that you have handled it so gracefully and with such faith that many will be blessed by your writing. But most important, if it helps you, then do it. We love you and are so thankful to have you in our family!! Love Nikki

snstaheli said...

I am so glad to see you writing again. I have missed it. I think that by letting others in, by reading your writing, they will be blessed and learn from you. Because everyone grieves differently some will be blessed and learn and others may not be able to read it and that is ok. The most important thing though is that if it helps you then do it. You have handled the trials in your life so gracefully and with such faith that many will be blessed by your writings. I am so blessed to have you in our family!! Love ya lots, Nikki

Andrae Kelly said...

I like you for you! And I love reading your blog. Keep it up!!!

Julie Lewis said...

That person needs to not read your blog. I don't know you at all but I love your writing and can't tell you how excited I was to see you had written something. Life is not all sunshine and rainbows and I have no interest in reading blogs that are only sunshine and rainbows (although I can certainly point that individual in the direction of some). Your testimony and faith in the midst of your grief has been inspirational to me and while my trials are not the same as yours, you have helped me have faith that I can endure hard things and come out a better person. Thanks for continuing to write. I plan to continue to read (although I rarely comment).

Tracie said...

I'm so glad you're back at your blog. You write whatever you need to write. Some of us who read your words want to help shoulder your burden in any way we can. When I read of your struggles or strengths, I automatically send up a prayer for you. I don't know you, but I know your parents. I grew up in Rexburg, worked for your dad at BYU, and think the Risenmays are the coolest people in the whole world, and if there's anything I can do for one of "theirs," even if it is to anonymously shoulder a tiny portion of their pain, I stand ready. Again, glad you're back. Stay strong and know there are anonymous people out here hoping to hold you up.

Beverly said...

So glad you're back. If it makes a difference I care and I understand. Keep writing when you're able. There will always be someone out here that needs to hear your words.

quailene said...

Im sorry someone told you that. And i have to disagree. This is YOUR blog and a place for you to write anything you want. Writing can be very therapeutic, is a great outlet, and a great way to process feelings. You also never know who might be touched or helped by it, right along with you.

The Hebbs said...

Yay. I am glad you are not letting anyone hold you back....remember those people are a bit bold to talk like that to a grieving momma bear...don't let them get you down. You are awesome and I love you!!!

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Amielee said...

Angie I love what you write. Love that it is deep and sometimes painful, because that makes the joy so much greater. I hope you never stop